Divorce

 

This week we will talk about divorce and how that can affect the family. Separation in general, people are so overwhelmed by emotional distancing, conflict, disagreements or difficulties in communication and they do not manage to measure the implications that must be taken into account, not only in the present, but also in the future. Added to the separation situation itself, there are other aspects that need to be realistically assessed and addressed. Divorces can bring a high emotional cost because separation is a vital event that generate a grieving process, that is, a loss that entails suffering and that each one is forced to overcome individually. Also, when divorces happen, they all have different meaning for each part of the relationship, separation impacts partners differently. Rarely the two spouses experience it in the same way. What often happens is that one experiences the break as a step forward and the other as a step backward. This causes a mixture of feelings that interfere in the ex-partner's relationship, affecting the decisions they must make. We have to talk about how separation will have impact on children. The ways in which children and young people deal with divorce depend on a number of important factors, such as the child's history and the way and ability she has to cope with the new situation. Many feel guilty, fear being left alone and abandoned, believe that parents can get back together. All these feelings produce changes in their behavior that can be directed with more intensity towards one of the parents. Also, getting divorced increases the responsibilities that parents have. Parents will have to coordinate many aspects to ensure the well-being of their children and make them as little affected as possible. The work with the children continues, this means maintaining contact with the ex-partner, regardless of whether they want to or not, overcoming that dose of hostility that occurs in a process as complex as this.

Divorce entails major changes in the environment of all family members. At least one of them changes residence and in many cases, city, work or schools, respectively. Assuming the changes implies great efforts and the deployment of many skills that contribute to maintaining balance in the new situation. I have met a lot of families that go through this process and I have noticed that is not easy for them to go over it. For example, my aunt got divorced and I could tell how everything changed for my cousins, we weren’t able to hang out that much after the divorce happened and also, I saw how my cousins got a little bit of hate against their dad. Strong and contradictory emotions will come out which is part of the separation process. Although at first a certain feeling of liberation may appear for having made the decision or for having decided to solve a problem that was already unbearable, soon the doubt, the feeling of having failed, the guilt, the uneasiness and a deep feeling of loss appear. It may happen that anger mixes with nostalgia and initial grief, and then give way to melancholy, hopelessness and heartbreak. And to all these can be added others, such as rivalry, jealousy, envy and the need or desire to control the other. After going through all these you will have the important decisions such as child custody, visiting hours, agreeing on the rules of discipline, financial arrangements when dividing the assets, negotiating the obligations that will remain in force, among others, are complex aspects that bring great tension during divorce, but with which it is necessary to continue dealing in the future. I honestly would not like to experience any of these things, and also think that is one of the hardest thing to go through, there might be ways to solve things before thinking about divorce, but once there are damages or problems that you cannot reverse, I think divorce is a healthy solution.